I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She's JV to your varsity
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You made out with two different species that night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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