his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
