is your mom at the bar?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
