i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
