I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
