I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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