i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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