You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
