Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
