I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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