Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
