I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
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They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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