when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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