Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
