I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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