Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
