There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness