just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible