Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (2015) Bad night (865)
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  (516): View more from New York

  There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.

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  (516): There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office. http://tfl.nu/aczu
  Replies (16) Good night (3779) Bad night (661)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"

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  (773): you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE" http://tfl.nu/hmmg
  Replies (17) Good night (6435) Bad night (1088)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.

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  (678): he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him. http://tfl.nu/39a0
  Replies (37) Good night (952) Bad night (4487)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.

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  (917): My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays. http://tfl.nu/9drw
  Replies (77) Good night (1153) Bad night (4341)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

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  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (9049) Bad night (1170)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

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  (731): the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink. http://tfl.nu/2z0e
  Replies (17) Good night (4393) Bad night (2063)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

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  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6571) Bad night (1152)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id

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  (519): I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id http://tfl.nu/33hp
  Replies (5) Good night (2652) Bad night (1278)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.

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  (505): I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking. http://tfl.nu/gybt
  Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (1044)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.

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  (210): Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night. http://tfl.nu/v64u
  Replies (7) Good night (1295) Bad night (485)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...

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  (719): A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating... http://tfl.nu/lvgu
  Replies (6) Good night (399) Bad night (715)
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  (805): View more from California

  Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.

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  (805): Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones. http://tfl.nu/uefm
  Replies (4) Good night (1176) Bad night (332)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.

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  (229): For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later. http://tfl.nu/acsz
  Replies (7) Good night (728) Bad night (312)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes

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  (309): If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes http://tfl.nu/ebv7
  Replies (1) Good night (475) Bad night (239)

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