maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
