Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  my soul wont recognize me after tonight

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  (857): my soul wont recognize me after tonight http://tfl.nu/7s35
  Replies (3) Good night (1883) Bad night (681)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.

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  (817): Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks. http://tfl.nu/ubnm
  Replies (17) Good night (576) Bad night (2674)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23954) Bad night (1021)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

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  (609): my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway. http://tfl.nu/j8p7
  Replies (28) Good night (1434) Bad night (9805)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

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  (860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag
  Replies (13) Good night (2607) Bad night (4593)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

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  (360): Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/nqby
  Replies (32) Good night (1899) Bad night (7639)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY

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  (641): TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY http://tfl.nu/5weu
  Replies (8) Good night (2314) Bad night (1254)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

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  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3808) Bad night (1143)
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  (707): View more from California

  He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

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  (707): He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ve7z
  Replies (21) Good night (7435) Bad night (1195)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2701) Bad night (741)
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo

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  (661): Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo http://tfl.nu/bjmc
  Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (477)
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  (914): View more from New York

  THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

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  (914): THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED http://tfl.nu/eqdp
  Replies (6) Good night (1624) Bad night (388)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.

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  (770): He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles. http://tfl.nu/ru6c
  Replies (5) Good night (435) Bad night (754)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets

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  (561): I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets http://tfl.nu/vj1n
  Replies (1) Good night (369) Bad night (446)
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  (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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  (831): Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/od4k
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (308)

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