Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.