Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
please come you make the beer taste better
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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