i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
