I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
