So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sex in a hospital.. check
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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