whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
