If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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