Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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