I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
