She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
someone owes me an orgasm
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
