Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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