This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
