In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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