i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
