So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
