How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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