im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dick very happy bro
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
