I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
