Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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