addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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