drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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