Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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