Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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