im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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