Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
