do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
