Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
