I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
