and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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