I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
