How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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