its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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