glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
