i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
