Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
