I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
