stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
