i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
