i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
