dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
