The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
