I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
