seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
