Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
