Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
MIDGETS
????
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
