She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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