I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
