i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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