he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
