he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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