i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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