you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
