i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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