The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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